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Chaos, Change and Challenge

Knock, knock, bang! Three wee ones from the neighborhood, 4,6, and 7  are at my door. They  politely but excitedly ask if they can tramp through my backyard and down to the creek. We just had our first rain of the season. The minute the creek has new water brings change and creativity. Makes me miss Dale! So many good memories of tramping down in the creek. We are so fortunate to have this special tiny piece of heaven. Moments in nature are so good for our souls. Okay, let’s see if I can recapture what I set down to write.

This is part of my personal chaos –dealing with numerous interruptions, demands, and mini crises as I help my mother move closer to us.  I need more patience with her, at 79,  while she deals with so much change with a goal of a more secure future.

The feeling of chaos as we make the change causes huge emotional and physical reactions: stress, insomnia, worry, high blood pressure, palpitations, doubt, second-guessing, resistance.

Hopefully this will lead to growth and learning and acceptance.

But at the moment it just feels chaotic and painful. I’m so grateful my son is launched. I’m not as squished a sandwich as I used to be, when we were dealing with parenting and education issues at the same time as family illnesses and end of life issues.

This time of discomfort during life’s passages and struggles feels never ending. It tries one’s patience as well as physical limits. Often there is just not enough time in the day.

So, for me, the blog takes a back seat while I attend to my mother’s needs. At other times, my personal goals took a backseat to my child’s needs.

I want to spread the message that it is okay to pay attention to these emotional needs of our dear ones, be they wee or old, at the expense of our other goals.

This  is a very different message than we hear from our culture.

You can’t get the years back, whether with our toddlers, teens or aging parents.

You may very well be able to exercise, work extra hours at the business, write, clean house later…whatever it is you may have to “sacrifice” personally at the moment in order to meet those children’s or parent’s needs.

And as frustrating, or stressful, or infuriating as it may be at times, in the long run, I believe these are sacrifices we ultimately won’t regret.

But we must be willing to go against the grain.

We have to stand up for our belief that giving our time and emotional energy is the most important thing we can do for our dependents, for ourselves, and for the world.

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