As a parent of a 2011 Thiel Fellow, I was excited about attending the closing ceremonies for the group.
This first group of fellows were guinea pigs–quite fortunate guinea pigs–who had forged the program along with the foundation staff. They had been supported financially, skillfully mentored, and emotionally bolstered for two years. Most importantly, they had all learned so much about their own projects, about persistence, and about the business world. Would closing mean losing much of that opportunity for dramatic growth?
Family, friends, foundation representatives, mentors, and current finalists gathered in the Yerba Buena Center Theatre in San Francisco. The room, alive with energy, emotion, and excitement, quieted as Foundation program director and representatives took the stage.
As I sat in the audience, I thought about how I had been in my son’s audience for the last two years, watching from a distance as he grew in leaps and bounds. Onstage the speakers talked about guiding the first Fellows through challenges and about the gifts they’d given each other in the community they created. The Thiel Foundation representative explained that the Fellows were encouraged to continue to participate in this community of support, with Thiel and each other, even though their official fellowship, with the very helpful monthly stipend, was over. The foundation didn’t see this closing as severing ties, he explained, rather it saw it as a transition in their role within the community.
I heaved a parental sigh of relief. Okay, no more money and no degree, but continued access to a network of support and community. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized that losing the network was what I feared the most for Dale.
Representatives of the class of 2011 Fellows spoke to express their appreciation for the Thiel Foundation, staff and mentors. Each fellow spoke briefly about his/her journey. I was fascinated by the individual stories. I didn’t expect to need kleenex, but I did.
Next came the questions from the audience. You could hear curiosity and trepidation from the finalists, as well as questions, concern and skepticism from some of the parents and other attendees.
What next? What about? What if? Many were expressions of fear and concerns that there were “no guarantees.”
There are no guarantees.
There are risks, opportunity, choices, and challenges. There is the possibility of growth, success, failure, and learning. And this is true every day of every child’s life. We like to pretend that it isn’t, that getting into the right college, or onto the sport’s team, or into a job means the end of risk, but it doesn’t and more importantly, it shouldn’t. So my questions are for the parents reading here.
Are we brave enough to let our children try something that did not exist when we were our kids age? Can we let go of our fears? Our sense of how life “should” look, what goals are “worth” achieving?
Can we navigate this new territory of parenting passionate young adults? Can we help them learn to balance pursuing new experiences and exciting demands on their attention with taking care of themselves?
The world is different for them than it was for us. The choices, costs and opportunities make it seem like a new universe. The speed, intensity and demand on our children’s time and attention barely compares to the demands of our college experience.
The Thiel Fellowship,like other alternative learning experiences that take place in the real world, demand more of our kids than following a neat, well-trodden path. The increased responsibility and access to a high-powered network of mentors speeds up the process of learning and maturing. Suddenly our babies are fending for themselves. And, yes, It is scary.
As parents can we let them go?
Even though we wonder if what they are choosing–usually choosing instead of college–provides the kind of structure yet freedom that will support personal development as well as academic and professional development, can we let them try?
Can we collaborate with rather than control our children? Can we encourage them to define success in a way that includes all aspects of a fulfilling life?
The closing ceremonies ended and I looked around the room abuzz with people making connections, sharing their dreams, giving advice.