What’s Love Got to Do With It?

My 25th  wedding anniversary is in two days.

Summer solstice time.  

Time to reflect.

I read my vows and get teary. They are so great. Sweet. Naive.

We spent so many hours at the beach, sifting through beautiful, smooth stones as we discussed, chewed on, wrangled, and negotiated over what we wanted to say,  what to include, and how to define what we were committing ourselves to.

We were/are both very strong responsibility and loyalty freaks and perfectionists to boot, so trying to get it all down was important to us. A a little shy about letting it all hang out in front of people – but believing so strongly in community and honesty that we knew we had to push ourselves to lay it all out there.

I read and get teary and sentimental. Wish we’d  had them on the wall all these years. So many fabulous intentions here. Not all met, yet. Or not as well as we had hoped these past 25 years.

And I laugh out loud at how naive, simple,  untested we were. So dedicated, earnest and unknowing. GAWD!

Life was so easy. We thought CRAMPS and HAYFEVER were hard!!!  Give me a break!

Try death, multiple family and close friend deaths. REAL  pain and sickness.  MANY miscarriages. Very close call with death for me. Oh, we were such babies!

But so in love. So hopeful. So DIY . And in some ways, so astute. Because as I go over our vows, so seriously and painstakingly written, so much of what has been hard for us is already recognized here. We knew what the most basic challenges would be.

The next set of  vow writing meetings were held while building tiny bears as table decorations and party favors. We were 28 and 30 at the time we married and were doing the wedding OURSELVES on a VERY small budget.  We had both, essentially volunteered during our 20’s. Maximum income $2000 a year!!!

But, we did NOT want the strings any financial help would bring.  We were independent souls.

And we wanted to do what was right for us, regardless of what our parents and  other more traditional people thought.

Hmmm – DaleJStephens who does this remind you of?


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I read our vows and think. Oh, DUH.

Here is the basis of our parenting.

My teaching.

Our dedication to our community.

Everything.  It’s really all right here.

Not based on any book I can refer you to, rather on deeply held  beliefs based on our experiences in our families and the the world, and our ex-catholic guilt.

We were (are) passionately committed to nonviolence, justice, honesty, integrity, simplicity, global connection, joy, humor, community, and the ultimate value of time.

Time. Time to do what’s most important.

And that people and experiences matter more than things.

And if there was a choice is between time and money, we always chose time.

Non-conformists before the term was coined, cool or a business model. (Too bad we didn’t think of that! Oh right, pre-internet. )  But our combination of values and experiences is what informed our parenting, our lifestyle, our choices.

Good to be reminded of what we were thinking 25 years ago!

To reflect.

To take an honest look at where we’ve been. And where we are headed.

To evaluate, re-evaluate.

To learn. Keep learning.

Maybe we are older. But I think we are still hopeful.

Less active. More realistic.

Our love is less blind and puppy-like. More enduring and committed.

Ahh youth!  Ahh, maturity! Ignorance IS bliss.  So much still to learn.

Life is good.

Here is the link to the original vows.


So tell me,  How long have you been in relationship? What have you learned? I would love to hear from you.  Lisa

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